Anger appears to be socially unacceptable. Add this to any childhood experience of being told to be “good” translating as being “bad” if we do display anger or frustration… and this leads to a distorted understanding of anger itself.
Anger can be connected to fear, mainly of being vulnerable or out of control. Linking to a time when we were in reality vulnerable and had a painful experience. We recall this experience when we feel vulnerable again and now “defend” in present time.
We may fear being overwhelmed by our anger, its size feeling enormous. But, explore any anger based on a past experience… If the anger feels “bigger” than you, just check are you in the present feeling like an adult or are you back in the past feeling like a frightened child?
If you feel tired, lack motivation or interest in everyday life whilst suppressing anger. I’m not surprised. The energy it takes to suppress anger can leave you feeling exhausted, constantly trying to maintain that facade of “being in control” or calm. However it will still “spit out” sometimes.
Anger can be a blustery cover for deep sadness, which may feel too unbearable to experience and so it’s more acceptable to “be” angry.
Gain some support, when explored, anger can be seen as it really is and not overwhelming or scary as we project it to be.
The greatest gift you can give to YourSelf is to allow your feelings, to not label or judge them. But simply invite what needs to be expressed safely, it’s ok if you need someone to sit with you but this is about you learning to accept yourself.
Within Self Care, and Self Parenting you will find that the only person you ever need acceptance and permission from is you.
You can find out more about Janet Astle and her business, The Emotional Wellbeing Coach on her website and on her Facebook page.
